Against The Grain
by Istillwishiwasaweasley
Summary: Johanna Mason has to fight her natural instincts to survive. She has to act weak, she has to cry, she has to run away. When her name is chosen for the seventy-first Hunger Games her first feeling is relief but other emotions soon follow as she fights to become the Victor. Rated for swearing. All books compliant.
1. Chapter 1

Against The Grain.

_Against the grain-Against one's instincts, English Idiom._

Chapter 1

"And the female tribute for District Seven is…Johanna Mason!"

The first emotion I feel is relief, it sweeps through me so quickly I almost cry out with it. Then I remember my Grandpa's advice '_Look weak!_' I let out a small cry of fear and then make it look like I'm attempting to stifle it.

The other girls part for me as I make my way up to the stage, I see Acacia look at me and then try to smile in support but it looks more like a grimace and I can see the relief in her eyes, relief that it's not her.

I trip on my way up to the stage, my shoes are my mother's and are still too big, instead of catching myself I allow myself to fall heavily onto the wooden stage. It hurts and it helps the tears to form.

The escort, Eloise Barnet, comes and helps me to my feet and then guides me over to the centre of the stage. She is stick thin with the exception of enormous breasts which must be surgically altered because they are just too big to fit her frame. She's wearing a brown dress which looks so short it could be a top. Her hair is green as it is every year at The Reaping, to show that she's happy to be the escort for District Seven, Lumber. We've not had a victor for a few years but it could be worse, eleven and twelve haven't had victors for decades.

"Oopsy-Daisy, now for the boys." Her hand spends a ridiculous amount of time in the reaping bowl, trying to ramp up the tension or keep her face, or breasts, on the screen for as long as possible. Up close her face is freakishly smooth, she doesn't even have laughter lines, and her hair is black at the roots, like the tree will soon die of a gruesome disease.

I look around at the crowd, my hands in my pockets pinching my legs so hard that tears come and fall quickly. The adults avoid my gaze, they never like to look too long at the tributes, don't want them to know how relieved they are that it is not their children looking back at them. I'm so glad that Grandpa stayed at home, this would have been too painful for him, probably would have killed him on the spot before the cancer had chance.

"The male tribute for District Seven is…Oak Cross!" I recognise the name and when the boy steps forward I realise why, he's one of the most popular boys in school. It's his last year so he must be eighteen, almost free of the reaping but not quite. He's a couple of years ahead of me and I've never spoken to him, I'm glad of that now.

His mother shrieks and is held up by her husband who also looks distraught. Oak struts over to the stage with no sign of fear on his face. He reminds me of the way the Careers face The Reaping, as if they had planned the whole thing.

"Excellent, well I give you the tributes of District Seven for the seventy-first Hunger Games, Johanna Mason and Oak Cross, shake hands." Oak puts his massive hand out and I keep my eyes down as I shake, I'm pleased to note that his hand has a slight tremor, fear.

"Happy Hunger Games, and may the odds be _ever _in your favour!" She lets out a girlish giggle that grates on my every nerve, we will not get on well.

The crowd applauds and a few people shout out Oak's name, clearly friends of his or some of his many admirers. Eloise and some Peacekeepers walk us into the justice building and lead us into separate rooms.

"You'll have an hour with your visitors, to say bye-bye." Eloise says, beaming at me, I nod and sit on the nicest sofa I have ever seen. Eloise has a reputation of treating the tributes like toddlers, her patronising manner will not sit well with me, I've not been a child for a long time now. I expect no one to come, my Grandpa is days away from death and I have no other family.

I'm surprised when the door opens and Acacia slips in, looking unsure of the welcome she will receive.

"Hi." I say, wiping away the forced tears. I wonder if she thinks they are real. We used to be friends, best friends, she must know I'm acting.

"Hi." She replies, awkwardly. We haven't really spoken in months, I've been taking care of Grandpa and our friendship seemed to fade. At first she used to come around and sit with me but lately I've only seen her at school, with her new friends.

"Oh Johanna, I'm so sorry!" She says, breaking down and running over to hug me. I rub her back, comforting her which is surely the wrong way around. I've never been a hugger, my mother used to hug me all the time and any other hug would not be the same.

"It's okay, better than the community home." I say, with an optimistic smile.

"Is it?" She asks, pulling away. I've been paying close attention to the kids at the community home, trying to figure out if any of them look happy or cared for. I had considered running away when Grandpa died but now I won't have to.

"You've seen the kids from there, that Lucy doesn't say a word and the others are covered in bruises and…"

"But this is the _Hunger Games_, it's to the death!" I ignore this, shaking my head.

"Will you look in on Grandpa? He won't last long, maybe a week at the most, _please_ Acacia."

"Of course I will, I'll ask Mom to make him some food and take it over. She'll understand, we'll take care of him, to the end." I'm surprised by this, I suspect that it will be Mrs Burton and not Acacia that takes care of him, she'd take care of the whole world if she could. She wanted to adopt me but she's already got six children and the mayor wouldn't allow it.

"Thank you." I say, relief again flooding through me.

"Maybe you could win?" She says, her eyes down so I know she doesn't believe it. "You're a born survivor!" She looks up at me and I know exactly what she's referring to.

"I can't hide in a tree this time, there might not even be trees." God, I hope there are trees.

"It worked for that girl last year…for a bit."

"She lost her mind, I'd rather die than…" I remember the scream that the Cresta girl made when her fellow tribute was beheaded. Grandpa left the room, muttering darkly about the Capitol. I'm fairly sure that he was one of the rebels that escaped prison and execution but I've never found the courage to ask him about it. Now I'll never know, I'll never see him again.

"Don't give up…" Acacia says, squeezing my hand.

"Grandpa gave me some advice, I'm going to follow it. Tell him I love him, please."

"I will, take this." She pulls up her sleeve and tugs off a woven bracelet. I made it for her, years ago. I still have mine on so I take it off and hold it out.

"We'll swap." I say, with a small smile, we used to swap them all the time when we were little, when everything was better and the thoughts of The Reaping were still years away.

"Yes, I'm really sorry I haven't helped more…"

"I didn't ask you to Cia, don't feel bad. Look after yourself."

"Don't worry about me! Could I ask you one favour?" As she's going to feed my dying Grandpa, or get her mother to, I can't really refuse.

"Yeah, what?"

"Oak."

"What about him?" I didn't know that she had spoken to Oak. We're not really with the 'in' crowd at school, although perhaps Acacia has changed in the past few months and I've been too distracted to notice.

"Don't kill him."

"Why?" Has she been seeing Oak? The thought is almost ludicrous. He's older and Acacia isn't the prettiest girl in the school, not by a long shot.

"For Maple, she's…she's pregnant, she's only just told me, our parents don't know yet, but Oak's the father." I'm surprised by this, Maple has just turned nineteen but I've never thought of her as the kind of girl that would get pregnant young, she was the smartest in her class at school. She got the best job in the lumber office, an apprentice accountant. She's a complete geek.

"I…does he know?"

"Yes, well he will soon, she's gone to see him now." I'd love to be a fly on the wall in that room.

"Are they like…together?" It's weird to be gossiping when I'm only a few minutes away from being led to my eventual premature death.

"Ha! No, he's Oak Cross! He's got like ten girlfriends but…Maple, she hopes he'll change. If he wins they'll…"

"Be rich and I'll be dead." I say, unable to keep the coldness out of my voice.

"I shouldn't have asked." She says, standing up.

"I'll try not to, I promise."

"Thanks Johanna, good luck." She stands up and I do too, we have a small hug and then she leaves and I'm left alone.

After twenty minutes the door opens and a Peacekeeper escorts me to the steps of the building. I join up with Eloise and Oak. Eloise brushes non-existent dust from my dungarees and I try not to slap away her hand.

There are also the two mentors waiting, Blight and Cynthia. Blight won four years ago when he was eighteen. Cynthia is at least seventy so I didn't see her Games. They're both known to dabble in Morphling but they aren't quite drug addicts, yet.

I get into a car and it moves quietly, unlike the Timber Lorries which shake the houses as they go past in the morning, an alarm clock that the whole district uses. Oak is talking to Blight about all the weapons he can use, I stare out of the window. We pass my house and I see the door open and a man standing there, he has a red cross on his bag.

"Wait!" I shout, the others look at me and the Peacekeeper hesitates, the car brakes slightly.

"Why?" Blight asks, his voice is deeper than I remember but it suits his face. He looks scary.

"My Grandpa, please…he's dying…the doctor's there! Just let me say goodbye, please!" Tears burn behind my eyes and Cynthia tells the driver to stop. Blight gets out, mutters something to the Peacekeeper and then holds my elbow as we move to the house, perhaps making sure I won't run off.

"Is he…?" I start but the doctor interrupts me.

"Nearly, say goodbye, perhaps don't tell him about The Reaping, he's not got long, he won't see any of it." I nod and Blight walks behind me.

My house is a simple log cabin, like most in the district. The smell of pine is everywhere and at certain times of the year it's stifling and contaminates every bite of food, every sip of water.

When I reach the room his breathing is so loud I know he's much worse than when I left him this morning.

"Grandpa?" I ask, his eyes flutter open, his blue eyes clearly showing a combination of pain and relief.

"Jo…" He murmurs, looking at me hopefully.

"Yes, it's okay, I wasn't chosen. I'm here." I've never been a good liar but I'm going to have to learn quickly.

"Thank God, thank God!" His voice is so weak, I glance at Blight in the corner and he edges out of the room, perhaps so the dying man won't see him and know that his only grandchild is lying to him when he's on his deathbed.

"I'm sorry…I love you…" He murmurs, I lean forward and kiss him on the forehead, he grips my hand and it's so weak I know he's only got minutes left.

"I love you too, Grandpa." As soon as I finish speaking I know he's gone, I hope he heard me.

I close his eyes and walk out of the house, like a sleepwalker. I don't look at the doctor or Blight, I just get back in the car and stare straight ahead. Cynthia passes me a tissue and I take it, thankful for my Grandpa's advice, I can show weakness.

I cry for the rest of the journey and when we get to the train station the cameras are there, my face must look horrendous and I don't slow the sobs as we walk past them. Blight practically lifts me onto the train and then Eloise takes over, flapping around me like I'm a two year old that's lost its favourite toy.

Eloise takes my hand and walks me to my room, she sits me on the bed and kneels in front of me. Her face shows no emotion, how can people tell when she's upset or scared? Perhaps people in the Capitol have no need for such emotions. She tells me dinner will be in two hours, I nod and she leaves.

I lie back on bed and cry loudly, my Grandpa is gone, I have no one left and I'm going to have to kill people if I want to survive, do I even want to survive this?

I cry myself out and look around at my room, the decoration is elaborate. It's like an alien world compared to the humble log cabins I have lived in all my life. I stand up and walk over to the wardrobe, the selection of clothes is mind-boggling. It would supply my entire school and there would still be extras.

I select a pair of pale blue cotton trousers and a thick maroon jumper. When I pull it on I realise it reminds me of my Grandpa. A pang goes through me but I try to suppress it, I should wait until I am with others to cry now. Look weak.

A knock on the door interrupts my minds strategy meeting and I slip a pair of black pumps onto my feet and walk over.

"Dinner time!" Eloise says brightly, she's so annoying I want to tell her to get lost but I am hungry, I should probably gain weight before the Games, it could look like I'm comfort eating.

"I'm coming." I say, pulling a tissue from my pocket and swiping it across my face.

When we reach the dining car everyone is already there. I sit down opposite Oak and Eloise sits next to me.

"Let's eat. You can have whatever you like, you can now enjoy the splendours of the Capitol, even chocolate and wine, aren't you lucky!" I think she's being sarcastic but I notice Blight suppress a snort and I realise she is genuine. She thinks we are lucky.

Oak looks delighted and starts piling food on his plate.

"So, let's find out all about you! Oak, you first dear." I start to fill my plate with the delicious looking food and listen to Oak describe his perfect life.

"I'm eighteen, I want to work on the trucks when I graduate. I'm smart and I know I'll come top of the class…"

"If you win you won't need to work." Blight says, taking a sip of a brown drink.

"Oh, cool! Well, I guess I'll just mess about all day, work out and stuff." He seems to forget that to have this luxury he'll have to kill or outlive twenty three other kids, including the girl sitting across from him.

"You're strong then?" Cynthia asks, biting into a potato. Her face is also quite smooth considering her age, perhaps Victors have surgery too.

"Yeah, I'm on the sports team, captain, and I can fight well, I've got five brothers."

"Good, we can work with that." Eloise says, making a note on some paper.

"We can do the charismatic, strong, good looking angle. The Odair path. Aim for a high score, maybe a ten if we're lucky." Blight says, his eyes passing over Oak's bulging biceps.

"I can get a twelve!" Oak replies indignantly.

"Hold your horses, Modesty, we haven't watched The Reaping's yet, wait till you see the Careers before you get cocky." Blight laughs and takes another sip of his drink. The Careers, kids who have been training their entire lives for this. We will have three days.

"Any news on the Cresta girl?" Cynthia asks, looking at Eloise. "Is she mentoring?"

"No, she's observing I think, until they sort her medication out." Again I remember the moment when Annie Cresta, last year's Victor from District Four, seemed to lose her mind in front of the whole of Panem.

"What about you, Johanna?" Cynthia asks, looking at me like I might burst into tears at any moment.

"I'm fifteen but…I…I'm not sure I'll be any good at anything." I reply, pinching my leg again to allow my eyes to fill with tears.

"I know you, aren't you the one whose father went nuts?" Oak asks, as casually as if he was asking about the weather.

"Yes, he was my father." I reply, trying to suppress the memories. I hear my brother's scream as close as if he is sitting next to me, I'm sure my face pales but no one comments on it.

"Mason…Mason…Mad-axe-Mason, I remember." Blight says, clearly trying to locate a memory. Cynthia gasps and takes a large gulp of her drink, I pick up my own glass and take a sip of a wine that tastes like honey. Eloise leans forward, clearly eager to be let into the secret.

"What? What happened?" I want to reply coldly but I manage to make my voice sound vulnerable.

"My father killed my mother and my little brother when I was eight, I hid in the trees to escape. He killed himself in the end." I don't add that he hung himself from the tree that I was hiding in, the gasp from Eloise tells me it's not needed, that the story is horrific enough without that.

"We can use that!" She says, picking up her notebook again as if I've just declared that I can kill people with superpowers.

"Do you have any family left now?" Cynthia asks, her voice soft. I shake my head and the tears fall. The act and my actual emotions mingle with the tears.

"A survivor, maybe a seven, see how the training goes." Blight says, I nod but instead I'm trying to think of ways to lower my score even further, I'll have to do something drastic.

"Can you use weapons?" He asks, I shake my head. He doesn't need to know I can throw an axe with such accuracy that I can decapitate a raccoon at over a hundred metres. I hate to use them, remembering my mother's scream when she was murdered, but Grandpa and I still need to eat and he taught me how to handle an axe even though I know he hated doing it. Perhaps he remembered teaching his son, not knowing that he would one day try kill his whole family.

The rest of the meal passes quickly and then we move to the sofas and watch The Reaping's. The Careers look huge and lethal. The male tribute from Six is only twelve. The tributes from Ten are cousins, odds not in that families favour. My Grandpa always said that The Reaping's were staged, perhaps he _was _a rebel and that is why I have been chosen.

The kids from Twelve look like they've never had a decent meal in their lives, their escort seems to deflate with disappointment. Their only mentor is asleep during the entire event.

"Excellent, well we'll be in the Capital in the morning, get a good night sleep, you'll need it when you meet you're stylists! Chop-chop, let the grownups talk!" We are literally shoo-ed out by Eloise.

I don't say goodnight to Oak, I don't even look at him.

I slip into a comfy-looking pair of pyjamas and then walk into the bathroom and brush my teeth. My face is swollen and red, I splash cold water on it and then walk back into my room and sink under the covers.

It's a huge bed, it could easily fit three people in it. The sheets are so soft and so unfamiliar. My blanket at home is a patchwork quilt that my mother made for me. I wonder what will happen to everything in Grandpa's house. Will Acacia think to collect things for me or is she just relieved that she won't have to watch Grandpa die?

Sleep doesn't come easy, my dreams are full of my parents and Grandpa, I have to kill them all with an axe, Oak tells me that he'll do it if I won't.

I wake screaming and Cynthia appears into my room and runs over to me, for a women who must be at least seventy she moves pretty quick.

"It's alright, dear." She says, hugging me, my first thought is to push her off but then I relax because I've not been hugged by a woman for such a long time, not since my mother put me to bed on the night that everything changed.

"Sshh, it's alright." She soothes.

"It's not…He's dead!" I splutter, she rubs my back.

"If you win we'll be your family, if you don't you'll be with him again, and your mother. Just relax, here's some sleep syrup, you'll need your energy for the makeover, trust me."

I nod and pull away, she passes me the syrup and I knock it back, she tucks me in and the thought of it makes me cry again, until the syrup drags me under.

* * *

A/N I've had this story in my head for a while, let me know what you think. It will be updated weekly.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

I wake up with a foggy head, Eloise is shaking me and telling me what a lucky girl I am to be having a makeover in the Capital. I don't bother with a shower, I can imagine a makeover will involve more cleaning that I have ever experienced before.

I wear a pair of green trousers and a checked shirt, it's fitted but I don't really mind. Thinness will surely help me look weak. Before I leave my room I force myself to cry and then rub my face to exaggerate the effect.

Cynthia collects me and guides me off the train. The Capital people are waving and taking photographs, I try to look scared and unsure. We take another car to the tribute centre and then we enter the laboratories, everything is white.

"Why are we in laboratories?" Asks Oak, I'm pleased to hear that he finally sounds quite scared.

"If you win then you'll find out." Blight replies with his bark of a laugh.

"Do whatever the style team wants, they're the experts. Got it?" He adds, looking at us both. I nod wondering where Cynthia and Eloise have disappeared to, could they be trying to get sponsors already.

"Here they are, call when they're done." Blight leaves and six strange and surgically altered people gush about how excited they are to help us look better.

Oak gets taken into one room and then a woman called Catia, with a rainbow coloured face, leads me into another. There are two other women but I don't listen when they tell me their names. Catia tells me that they have to get my body to an acceptable level before taking me to my stylist. A woman named Purple.

It takes two hours to get my skin to an acceptable cleanliness, then another hour to pull hair out from places I wasn't even aware I had hair. My long brown hair is scrubbed so hard I wonder if I'll have any left. My nails are cleaned and lengthened with plastic. Scars on my hands from chopping wood are removed so that the skin looks like it belongs to a baby, or someone who has never stepped foot outside in their lives.

After six hours I'm presented to the stylist, Purple 'Like the colour', she tells me. She's perhaps fifty and has purple hair in a cone shape on the top of her head. She gushes about how lovely my long hair is, brown and flowing in waves down my back.

"No we're obviously going to dress you like a tree." She says it with a smile, surely she must be sick of dressing the district seven tributes as trees, they all look the same. Brown clothes with a green face and hair, like puppets.

"Is this your token?" She asks, pointing at the only thing on my naked body. I told the prep team to leave it and then managed to cry for a bit when I explained that it was a friendship bracelet.

"Yes, it's a friendship bracelet, from my friend Acacia." I reply, speaking to her for the first time.

"How lovely, we can try and replicate the pattern with your hair. I'll call Blight to collect you, I'll send the outfit tomorrow. Put these clothes on for now." I nod and pull on the black outfit with the number seven on the back, I feel like a horse in a race.

When Blight collects me we walk in silence out of the laboratories. The tribute centre is several floors up. When the lift doors close Blight turns to me, he looks quite fierce.

"Are you _acting_, Johanna?" He asks, his eyes stern. I shake my head, pinching my leg.

"No…don't worry about me. Just help Oak, I know I won't win. I just hope it won't hurt." For the first time I actually wonder if dying does hurt.

"I don't believe you." He says, turning away. He looks like he wants to punch the lift wall. In his Games his weapon was his strength, he killed two tributes with a single punch, it was incredible.

"I'm sorry…I just can't kill anyone, I won't become my father." As I say it I feel a surge of dread knowing that I am planning to follow in his footsteps. The boy from district six would be the same age as my brother had he lived, I don't want to kill him. I don't want to murder him.

We have a free night tonight because the outlying district tributes haven't arrived yet. I stay in my room and force myself to cry loudly and pathetically, perhaps I'll collapse from dehydration during the first training session. I think there are camera's in the rooms because tissues keep appearing on my bedside table.

Dinner is quiet for me, I don't say a word but I do eat more food than I've ever eaten in my life. It makes me feel sick and when I return to my room most of it makes a reappearance.

Cynthia brings me sleep syrup and tucks me in again, I find myself enjoying it again. I wonder if she realises that part of my weakness is an act, I hope she doesn't.

* * *

Our trees costumes are so big that Oak and I have to go to the loading area in separate lifts. My head feels heavy with the weight of the leaves and beads that have been threaded through my hair, it will probably take all night to pull them all out.

"Excellent, you look delightful, like little cherubs. Now climb up, and don't forget to smile to the crowd!" Eloise claps and then moves away to let Blight and Cynthia help us into the chariot. Blight has not said a word to me since the confrontation yesterday and I'm pretty sure he hates me.

Cynthia gives my hand a reassuring squeeze.

"Try to smile." She says, bringing a smile onto her own face. I notice that it doesn't reach her eyes which are hazy with Morphling, I look at Blight and see that his are clear.

Oak turns to me as the horses start to move and flashes a huge smile at me, his teeth have been whitened, as have mine, but his look freakishly white.

"Bet you never thought you'd be alone in a horse cart with me!"

"No, I can't think that the situation has crossed my mind before." I reply in a small voice, I see Blight looking at me and I look away, I'm not fooling him.

"Plenty of girls back home would love the opportunity."

"Why? Is there many girls that want to watch you die up close?" I ask, allowing confusion to flood my face, innocent confusion.

"What?"

"Sorry, I thought that was what you meant." I reply, innocently, he looks confused but laughs it away.

The horses start to move and I turn away from him. I close my eyes and then allow my body to physically shake, trying to look terrified of the crowd.

When we enter the arena all eyes are on Oak, he is lapping up the attention and I remember watching Finnack Odair employ the same method. I force myself to cry, pinching my leg which already has a huge bruise on it. By the time we reach the presidential palace I'm crying so much that my nose is running.

I barely listen to Snow's speech but when I look up at him he is looking at me, as if sizing me up, I look away, a weak person would not stare down the most powerful man in the world.

* * *

The training starts the following day, I stay on my own, in the corner. Usually crying but sometimes migrating over to the survival stations to try and learn all I can whilst still looking pathetic.

Oak is like a Career and it's easy to see that they will form an alliance. He is efficient with an axe and a spear, he tells the trainer that he's good at javelin so he thinks hitting people will be the same as a target.

On the second day of training I force myself to eat too much at breakfast so that when I arrive at the centre I throw up in front of everyone and I'm escorted to a doctor who knocks me out for the rest of the day.

I find myself thankful for the camping holidays I used to have with my father, before he went mad. We used to camp on the edge of the forest and pretend we were in a story. My brother and I would collect firewood and then we'd learn how to light it. My mother would bring over a fresh stew and we'd pretend that she cooked it on the fire.

I don't talk to any of the other tributes and I don't make eye contact with any of the games-makers. When one of the instructors suggests that I try a weapon I stage a very public meltdown and end up knocked out by the doctors, sleeping away another training session.

Blight is fuming when he comes to collect me, he practically drags me off the bed and then storms out of the medical centre pulling me behind him.

"Pull it together!" He yells when we're in the lift and the doors have closed. "Do you think this is just a 'game'?"

"He…he wanted me to use an…" The medication still flowing through my veins makes everything seem funny and I struggle to contain a smile, changing it to a pained grimace at the last second.

"An axe! You're from the fucking _lumber_ district, you've been handling axes since you were a toddler! Are you seriously telling me that you haven't picked up at axe since…" He hesitates and I jump on it.

"Since I heard one hack my brother to pieces!" It's the first time I've really yelled and I think I see a brief moment of triumph in Blight's eyes.

"I need to know if it's an act- tell me!"

"It's not…I just want it to be quick, I'll stay for the bloodbath- usually the deaths there are fairly quick, aren't they?"

"You're giving up? What would your grandfather say?"

"He'll tell me it's nice to see me." I reply in a small voice. I want to yell that Blight knows nothing about my grandfather, nothing about me.

The following afternoon I wait with the other tributes for the private session with the games makers. Oak is sitting next to me but he is leaning forward to talk to the boy from two.

"Try not to drown them with tears, seven!" The girl from four says, laughing.

"Lay off, her grandfather just died." Says Oak, turning around to defend me, it takes me completely by surprise and I let it show.

"She'll see him soon." The girl retorts. I nod and almost let out a smile.

"I know." I use my smallest voice possible but I know everyone heard, no one is expecting me to put up a fight.

The tributes start to go in and I start pinching my leg to build up the tears.

"District seven, Johanna Mason." I stand and walk out of the room.

The room seems much bigger empty, I walk to the centre and Seneca Crane gives me a small bow.

"You have fifteen minutes to demonstrate your skills, Miss Mason." I nod and look around the room.

I walk over to the fire-starting station. I purposely fumble with the equipment and end up burning myself with friction, I cry out loudly and then drop everything and move away from the station, feigning defeat.

I look around the room as if lost and then allow my eyes to lock with an axe. I walk over to it and extend my arms to pick it up but at the last second I cry and clamp by hands to my ears and fall to the floor, I cry and rock like Annie Cresta did when she lost her mind.

After what seems like hours one of the Avox's comes and guides me out of the room and into the elevator. He presses the correct floor number and then leave me alone. I'm not sure if there are cameras in here so I keep crying, stopping only when I arrive on the seventh floor.

"What happened?" Cynthia asks, standing up unsteadily. Oak was clearly in the middle of a very amusing story, perhaps telling them how high his score is going to be.

"I…I…" I'm pinching my leg so hard I can feel blood so I stop, I keep my hand in my pocket and run to my room, slamming the door behind me.

I don't get bothered until Eloise comes and collects me for the scores. I shuffle out of the room and sit down as away from the rest of them as it is possible to be. Blight purposely stands up and sits next to me, so close it's almost inappropriate.

Caesar Flickerman comes onto the screen, telling the nation how excited he is about this year's Games.

The Careers score between nine and eleven. The boy from six, Joshua, gets a seven.

"Oak Cross, district seven with a score of…" Oak leans forward in his seat "…ten." Oak is furious and he throws a glass at the screen before sitting back. Blight and Cynthia look a bit shocked, as if they were surprised he scored that highly.

"Johanna Mason, district seven with a score of…" I cross my fingers in my pocket, I want less than three, Grandpa always said that lower than three made sure the other tributes didn't bother hunting you, "…two." I try to contain my sigh of relief but I needn't have bothered. Oak is still so mad he starts swearing and then storms out of the room.

In all the commotion Blight leans to me and whispers so quietly that even I strain to hear him.

"Good work, Mason, Grandpa would be proud." He stands up and walks away.

* * *

A/N Any reviewers out there?


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"We need to think of an angle for you." Cynthia says, sitting down next to me, Blight is in the armchair looking at me shrewdly.

"I think the angle has already shown itself Cyn, we can't have her pretend to be strong now. With a two…"

"Blight! Her Grandfather has just died!"

"We'll use that, of course. I don't think the score will hurt, grief could pass in the arena, or turn to anger."

"I wanted to get at least a five, I tried to start a fire but I burnt myself." I say, sniffing for effect. The new Johanna Mason is so annoying I want to punch her in the face.

"I'm assuming you didn't think to pick up an axe?" I look up at Blight, allowing anger to flood my face.

"Never." I reply, making my face clearly show that I'm struggling to suppress a memory.

"Blight, we need to get her sponsors!" Cynthia says, clearly annoyed.

"Will you team up with Oak?"

"No, he'd kill me as I slept. I can't make an alliance, I have nothing to offer them." An alliance, however uneasy and short-lived, needs to have a balance. I can't bring weakness to an alliance, the act would fall apart too quickly. I have to be alone in there.

"Let's practise some questions. Where's the sheet?" Cynthia looks around and Blight passes her a piece of paper, still glaring at me.

"Thank you, now, what do you think of the Capital so far?"

"Umm…it's very clean and…the food is nice." Blight groans but I ignore him.

"Okay, do you have a boyfriend waiting for you back home?"

"No."

"He'll ask about your family." Blight says, Cynthia nods.

"So, tell us about your family?"

"They're all dead. It's just me left." Tears come but this time I did not summon them, this time I feel truly alone for the first time since Grandpa's death.

"What do you like to do in your free time?" Cynthia asks, Blight looks as if he wants me to go all out and tell the imaginary audience about the horrors of my past but Cynthia ignores him.

"I…I like to carve things, from odd bits of wood. Trinkets and things."

"Great, carve yourself a bloody knife!" Blight says, barking a laugh and disappearing into his room. Cynthia sighs and puts down the list, she asks the Avox for some wine.

I sit there in silence for a few minutes before walking into my room, when I'm alone I start practising my aim, with an imaginary axe and an imaginary target.

After lunch Eloise teaches me to walk like a lady, well like a Capitol lady. I have to wear high-heels which I've never worn before, you can't climb trees in heels which is what I spend most of my time doing. Searching for bark and dead wood to turn into sellable items or to swap for food or coal.

"Don't slouch! You need to make an impression, especially after your clumsy moment at the reaping and that ridiculous score. Walk tall." I bite away a retort and walk up and down the corridor for what seems like forever. When she finally lets me take off the heels I'm sure I'll never be able to walk properly again.

I can hear Oak laughing loudly from the sofa's, Cynthia and Blight seem delighted with his interview style.

My dress for the reaping arrives and I'm surprised by its simplicity. It's a simple black dress.

"For your grandfather." Purple tells me, patting me on the shoulder. For the sympathy vote, that could help get me sponsors.

I still have to wear heels but my hair is straightened and falls to just past my elbow. Purple doesn't even paint my face ridiculous colours, just a bit of make-up to stop my face washing out in the lighting.

Oak and I travel to the stage together, he's wearing a tuxedo and his skin seems to shimmer, it must have glitter on it.

The other tributes are waiting backstage and Caesar Flickerman, with green hair this year, waves to us and tells us to wait a few minutes.

Oak starts talking to the Careers and I find myself waiting with the female tribute from eleven, one of the cousins. She scored a seven.

"Hello." She says, quietly. She's dressed in a floor length silver gown which makes her skin shine, her make-up is elaborate though.

"Hi." I say, biting my lip to appear nervous.

"I think I look like an alien." She says, leaning against the wall.

"The Capitol people all look strange, you'll blend in."

"Your stylist must be the exception rather than the rule, less is more." I shake my head as she finishes.

"It's because my Grandpa just died."

"I heard, I'm sorry."

"It's okay, I'll be with him soon." A bell sounds and we're separated.

Eloise brings Oak over and then points out where we have to sit. We walk over and when all the tributes are safely seated the escorts leave, I see Eloise talking to the district twelve escort, both look like they're complaining.

Caesar looks around to check we're all ready and then nods to a camera which counts him in, the audience look so excited, do they not realise that in a few weeks the children in front of them will nearly all be dead?

I allow my facial expression to glaze over for the interviews although I'm listening to them carefully, trying to get every scrap of information I can. I can't pinch my leg in this dress so I try to remember the night when everything changed, allow it to fill me with grief.

The boy from six sits down and I realise I'm next.

"Now, Johanna Mason, district seven, out you come!" Caesar smiles encouragingly and I shuffle over, nearly tripping as I reach the sofa, Caesar puts him arm out to steady me and I sink into the chair.

"So, Johanna, how are you finding the Capitol so far?" He asks, as if asking a question to a toddler and not a fifteen year old, he must have heard about my training meltdown and wants to avoid it live on air.

"The…the people are lovely." I reply, a high girlish voice that sounds alien to me.

"I hear you've had a difficult time this week, tell us about it." He pats my leg and looks sad, fake-sad of course.

"My grandpa died." The audience gasp and start to whisper.

"You have our condolences, did he know about the reaping?"

"I lied…I told him it wasn't me." I reply, tears falling again, I'm so sick of crying.

"It was better for him, do you have any family watching you back in Seven?" I know he knows that I don't, his eyes tell me he knows. I glance at Blight and he nods, telling me to leave nothing out.

"No…I'm the last Mason. My father…he went mad, when I was eight. He killed my mother and my brother, I ran and hid."

"So tragic, was he caught?"

"He killed himself before the Peacekeepers came." I reply, the image of him swinging from the tree comes into my head and I feel sick.

"At least he is gone. Now tell us about your training, any special skills?" I hear the girl from one make an audible snort and Caesar glares at her.

"No…I couldn't use an axe, that's what he used…" I start crying louder and after about half a minute I feel Blight practically drag me off the stage. Caesar tells the audience that I'll be well taken care of. Of course I will, until I'm in the arena.

Blight pulls me backstage and makes me sit down, a Peacekeeper suggests getting a doctor but Blight tells him I'll be fine, he kneels down in front of me.

"You ready?" He asks.

"For what?" I want to give up the act now, he already knows.

"The arena, you ready to fight?" I glance around to check we are alone and then nod. Blight nods back, looking relieved.

"I'll do what I can with the sponsors, wait until there's only a handful left, no sooner, got it?" I nod and he claps me on the shoulder and moves away.

* * *

I sleep well the night before the Games, Cynthia slipped with some sleep syrup when she said goodbye. I didn't see Blight and now I know it will be Purple escorting me to the arena I wonder if I'll ever see him again. I'm glad we sort of made up. I'm glad that he knows he's never met the real me.

"Eat some more." Purple says, filling my plate again. I do, I eat so much I wonder if I'll throw it up. I also drink coffee which I don't even like, for energy.

"They'll make it quick, I'm sure." I nod at Purple's words. Clearly Blight is the only one who knows I won't be staying in the bloodbath. I'm glad of this but I need to think of a reason to run from the group, a reason not to walk into a waiting sword or arrow.

We don't speak again during the hovercraft ride, I get a tracker which feels strange, I hope that if I win they'll take it out. I drink more coffee and water and then we land.

My room contains an outfit for me, black with the number seven on it. Maybe the Capitol people don't care about our names. I notice the material is thick, the arena must be temperate or polar. Please let there be trees.

"It's been a pleasure helping you, Johanna." Purple says, as I step into the tube.

"Has it?" I ask, does she really like this Johanna?

"Well, your hair is lovely." She replies, stepping back.

The tube closes around me and then I'm rising up. Bedrock, earth, and then dazzling sun. For a moment it is so bright I'm scared that it is polar but then I realise its desert reflecting the sun.

I look around me and my heart leaps when I see trees. There is a black cornucopia in the middle of the arena, it is surrounded by supplies. There are some bags scattered closer to the tributes, one is only a few feet away from me but I know I can't grab it. Weakness.

Around the cornucopia is sand, desert sand. We are standing on plates which are two metres high, the ground drops as it moves from the centre of the arena, it's like a giant ant hill, and at the bottom there are woods. I see Pine. I will have to move fast, running in sand is difficult, like running in sawdust.

The countdown starts and I look around at the other tributes, Oak is five plates away and looks slightly green, this comforts me.

The girl from six is on the plate next to me. She is looking around as well but as she turns she drops something, a wooden ball. I watch it bounce off the plate. The explosion is loud but seems to be completely contained within her plate, there is no rush of air but the girl is splattered around far and wide, there is a finger on my plate, her head is several feet away, eyes wide.

I scream and start to cry, making sure I look hysterical. This is the excuse I needed, a weak person would run from this. I hear the countdown but make it appear as if I don't care. I keep shrieking.

When the numbers reach three I prepare my legs but still cry and scream, my voice is raw.

"One!"

I bolt, running so fast that I get tangled and I roll down the hill, painfully. When the rolling stops I keep sprinting as if I'm being pursued but I'm fairly sure I'm not.

A grunt of pain from a few metres away makes me turn, a dead boy with an arrow sticking out of his back, I run to him, pull out the arrow and steal his backpack before running so fast I worry my legs might fall off.

I reach the trees faster than I expected but instead of going up I just keep running, all my instincts tell me to scale the trees but I don't, I run and run.

The first cannon makes me stop, the bloodbath must be over, six more cannons fire and I look around to check I'm alone and then climb up a pine tree, it will conceal me well, from tributes and cameras, as I check the backpack.

It's a relief to finally be in the arena and able to wipe away the fake tears, even if it's just for a little bit.

I find a sturdy branch and balance with well-practised ease. I inhale the pine smell and let it relax me. My clothes are full of sand and I listen for footsteps before shaking it all out. I pull off my shoes and empty them out too.

The backpack is a muddy brown colour, I put the arrow on the outside of it, easy to use if I need a quick, close, weapon.

Opening the bag I'm pleased to find a water skin, it's empty but I can hear the trickle of a stream nearby so I'm not concerned. There's also some dried fruit, a blanket which is a bright red colour, I'll have to be well hidden if I use it, a few tablets for pain and a whistle. I'm bemused by the whistle, perhaps it was put in for any alliances.

That's it, I'm glad I have the water skin, the fruit and the pain tablets but the rest seem relatively pointless at the moment. The air is hot but dry, the pine seems manufactured. I stab the arrow into the tree and am rewarded with a splash of water, too much for natural pine trees, I fill the skin with it. Tomorrow I will venture out of the tree but for now I am happy to hide, to make the Capital believe I am crying in a tree.

* * *

A/N So the Games has started and Johanna is looking forward to drying up the tears, gradually. Feedback would be great!

8839- Thanks!


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

The anthem wakes me up with a jolt, I wish I had a rope it would make sleeping in a tree much safer, I've always been a fidget when asleep. My brother used to complain that I would talk and move around at night and wake him up, one night I even pushed him out of bed.

I quickly climb higher in the tree, leaving my backpack, and get to a spot where I can see the projection.

Seven tributes dead.

The girl from three. Both the tributes from one and two must have made it.

The boy from five. It was his backpack I stole.

The girl from six.

Both from nine.

The boy from eleven.

The girl from twelve.

That must mean that the girl from eleven, the one I spoke to, made it. The boy from six who reminds me of my brother but only because he's the age my brother should be is also alive but now without a district partner.

I wonder if Oak is already working with the Careers, perhaps he's on his own for a while, working on some plan of Blight's. I dismiss that theory because I know that Blight didn't like Oak, and even if they did have a plan I suspect that Oak is too confident to stick to it. I wonder if he's killed anyone yet.

I move down the tree and grab my backpack. Deciding that now it's dark enough to get water I rub my face to make it look tear stained and then descend to the ground.

I listen for a few minutes and then feel satisfied that I am alone. I creep towards to sound of the stream and reach it within minutes, I fill the water skin and splash some water on my face. My pine tree is too close to this water source.

I grab the arrow to defend myself and then walk away from the stream, I pass a strawberry bush but when I pick one it burns my fingers and I cry out with the pain.

A twig snaps near me and I whirl around, it's a deer. A huge deer, easily the size of a bear. I freeze knowing that this must be a mutation and anything could set it off. It walks towards me, sniffing and then reaches to the burning strawberry bush behind me, I edge out of the way as slowly as I dare.

It doesn't appear to notice me and I am about to run when I hear the whistle of an arrow, it strikes the deer in the back and it turns and runs towards the direction of the arrow. Hoping that the sounds of the angry deer cover me I bolt and run quickly putting as much distance between myself and the confrontation as possible.

When I've been running for fifteen minutes I scale a pine tree and listen for any sounds, natural or mutations. I hear nothing but I climb higher, just in case.

I'm just about to open my backpack when I hear a cannon, I know that the deer killed someone, another cannon follows quickly and then all is silent.

The deer only attacks if threatened, that's important to know. It didn't pay any attention to me, it just wanted the burning strawberries. I look at my hand but I can't see it well enough in this light to know if it's marked, it still burns but not enough to take the pain tablets.

I decide that the next time I see one of the strawberry bushes I will wrap some in leaves and keep them in my back, perhaps to offer a deer if I see one again.

The air is cold but not cold enough for me to use the blanket, I'm used to cold nights, we can rarely afford coal at home and sometimes the wood is too damp to burn.

Settling into sleep is difficult, perhaps I shouldn't have relied so heavily on sleep syrup for the past few nights. When the dreams finally come they are odd and disjointed, tributes who sound like my mother, my grandpa who speaks with Blight's voice.

A bird call wakes me up and as soon as I open my eyes I know I'm in trouble. I have a horrendous headache and my vision is blurry. I look at my hand and see that it has a blue tinge to it which has started to spread to my fingers and wrist.

I drink some water and eat some dried fruit but it makes me feel sick. I suspect that the cameras can't see me in the tree so I listen to make sure there is no one around and then jump out of the tree.

I'm dizzy and if anyone attacked me now I know I'd struggle to defend myself. I stagger around for a few minutes and then collapse into the tree.

I sit against it and pull the arrow out of my bag, perhaps if I can get the poison out I stand a chance.

I slice the head of the arrow across my wrist, perhaps the Capitol will think I'm trying to kill myself. I hold my wrist above my head with great difficulty and pump my hand, I see blood dripping and then I feel a trickle of the poison, I adjust my position so it won't drip onto my skin and poison me again.

It's agony and I swallow a pain tablet but it doesn't seem to work.

The parachute lands next to me and I nearly jump out of my skin, that will look good for the cameras although it was not an act, I did not see it coming.

I open it with my good hand and find a tiny parcel inside, unscrewing the lid I see a green cream, it smells disgusting but I smear it on my hand and feel almost instant relief.

"Thank you." I whisper, closing my eyes in bliss.

I stay there for another twenty minutes until the cream has expelled all the poison and then I cut a bit of the red blanket with the arrow and wrap my hand with it, if I keep it in my pocket I should get away without being seen.

The sound of footsteps has me gathering my thing and fleeing back up the tree like a monkey. It's the Careers and I can hear Oak with them.

"…can't believe how much she fought!"

"She's scored an eight, she was never going to go easy." The boy from one replies.

"Can I have the next kill, Gus?" The girl from one asks.

"No Dazzle, I told you, it's Slate's turn." Slate must be the boy from two.

"Yeah, my turn. I want to get Patrick, from four."

"Just cos he didn't want to team up?"

"Nah, he just annoys me, him and Ariel, think they're so great just because they got a good score, I'll gut them!" It's clear that Slate has a bloodlust, all the Careers seem to relish killing.

"Do you want dibs on anyone, Oak?"

"Johanna." He replies, for a moment I think he's spotted me but then I realise he's just answering the question. He wants to kill me.

"Why? Want to hear her scream?"

"No." Oak replies sharply, "I want to make it quick, I made a promise."

"Who to?"

"Someone back home. She's mine, deal?" I hear the others agree and I find myself wondering who made him promise, perhaps it was Maple. We always got on quite well, she used to tutor me in Maths.

"What's that?" Dazzle says, again I think I've been spotted. It's too early to show my colours, I'll have to beg.

"A fire, idiots, come on!" Gus's order is met with the sounds of running and I start to relax as the footsteps fade.

When I'm sure they're gone I climb down and start to try and gather some food. I chew on some pine bark and it reminds me of home, I let the tears fall for the audience.

I see no more signs of the burning strawberries but I do find some tubers that look edible. I bite into one and it tastes like potato. I decide to wait for an hour to check it's not a cruel trick from the Games-makers before eating more.

After walking for twenty minutes I find myself at the edge of the forest, the desert ant-hill towers up towards the cornucopia. I climb a tree to take a safe look around but see no one on the hill. It defies nature for the sand to pile up that high, why doesn't it collapse in on itself?

I can see smoke rising up some distance away and I'm assuming that's where the Careers went, the fire-starter must be stupid. Everyone knows the best time to start a fire is dusk, when the fading light can hide the smoke.

I decide to stay in this tree until I know where the Careers are, if they find the fire then the cannon will surely sound and I'll know to move away.

Out of habit I break a piece of bark off the tree and start to carve it, I have no idea what I'm making until I finish and then I laugh. Blight would be proud, I have made myself a knife. It's not very sharp but if I can find a rock I can create a blade that could cut meat or fish.

A cannon fires, I climb down the tree quickly, tucking my new knife in my trousers, hopefully Blight will see it and will laugh.

I move into the forest and then move as silently as I can away from the fire, putting the greatest distance between the Careers and me. When it's only them and me left I'll start to track them but now I need to look like a coward.

I pass a stream and manage to catch a fish, in a few hours I'll start a fire and cook it but for now I wrap it in leaves and put it in my backpack.

After an hours hike I come across a river, much too wide to cross, the water is fast and has rapids and waterfalls. The shoreline is littered with stones so I find some to make a blade and then duck back into the trees.

I'll have to camp here, it will be better to know that the other tributes can only come from one side.

As the light fades I make a fire as close to the water as I dare, if I here footsteps I can douse the flames quickly.

The fish is rubbery but when I eat it with the potato-like tubers it reminds me of salmon. I eat half of the fish quickly and then wrap the rest and put it back in my backpack before returning to the trees.

I made myself cry for the entire meal but now I feel exhausted. I break some vines with my bark knife and then scale the tree. I use the vines to tie myself in and then try and imagine I'm in the enormous bed on the train, with those warm and too-comfortable sheets.

When the anthem plays I can see the projection without moving.

The girl from Two. She must have been killed during the confrontation at the fire.

Both tributes from Eight.

The girl from Five. Perhaps she started the fire?

I try and think about who is left. Both from One, Gus and Dazzle. The boy, Slate, from Two. The boy from Three. Both from Four, who refused to join the Careers. The boy from Five who reminds me too much of my brother. Oak and I. Both from Ten. The girl from Eleven, the one who spoke to me at the interview. I think one of the one's from Twelve made it but I can't think which one it is.

Fourteen of use left, ten dead and it's only day two.

The next day is spent crying by the river and then planning in the tree. If I can find a way to hide for a few more days then I can start fighting. That night there are no projections in the sky and that makes me nervous. The Games-makers will not be happy, they will find a way to drive us together.

I'm asleep and I think I'm dreaming about a stormy night but then I wake with a jolt and realise I'm in the middle of a sandstorm. I tug on the vines and drop out of the tree. The sand is so thick and it burns on contact. I pull my hood up as high as it will go and head towards the river.

The sand whips around me and I find myself instantly disorientated. I stagger towards the water and with no other choice I dive straight it, my backpack still strapped to me.

I open my eyes under the water and find that it's surprisingly clear and I can see as easily as if it's a fish tank. The current is strong and I cling to rocks to keep myself steady.

I rise to the surface but when I take a gulp of air I also take a mouthful of sand. I'm not much of a swimmer but I try to use the rocks to pull myself across the river, each time I gulp air there seems to be less sand. I take this as a good sign, perhaps the other side of the river is clear.

I think I'm nearly there but when I try to stand the bottom is not there and I panic. I can see the base of the river but is it an illusion, again and again I try to stand but my foot sinks through the floor.

I haven't got enough breath or strength now and for the first time since the Games started I really think I could die.

Suddenly a hand plunges into the water in front of me and I don't even consider not grabbing it. The grip is strong and it pulls me from the water.

I lie, panting and only semi-conscious on the ground, if my saviour wanted to kill me they couldn't do any better than right now. I can tell, even with my eyes closed, that the sand has gone. The air is calm.

"Are you alright?" I open my eyes and find the face of the girl from Eleven looking back at me. She's probably a bit older than me, maybe sixteen or seventeen. Her skin is puckered with burns but other than that she looks relatively unscathed.

"Yeah, thanks." I say, my voice quiet with exertion.

"Come on, we're exposed here." She helps me up and I lean on her much more than I would like. Do I have an ally?

* * *

A/N So the Games have really started, what do you think?

WriterWhoReads- The title refers to an idiom about fighting your natural instincts so I thought it would fit Johanna quite well. Thanks for the feedback, I'm glad you're enjoying it!


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Eleven guides me to a burrow in the bank, I wouldn't have noticed it if she hadn't pointed it out.

When we crawl in the space opens up into a roomy hollow. It's like a cave but with soil instead of stone supporting it.

"Oh, hello." The voice nearly makes me jump but the girl from Eleven puts a comforting hand on my shoulder.

"It's alright, we won't hurt you." She says, the boy from Six lights up a torch box and puts it in the centre of the hollow. They have supplies as well, a couple of backpacks, a sleeping bag, a few knives, a bow and arrow.

"Good hide-out." I say, my voice is still scratchy from the near-drowning.

"Yeah, Joshua here found it and then I saved him from a fairly monstrous looking deer and here I am. She nearly drowned in the river."

"The river is dangerous, it's got at false bottom!" Joshua says, his eyes wide.

"Yeah, I noticed. There was a sandstorm on the other side, I had nowhere else to go."

"I'm Ellie by the way." Eleven says.

"Johanna. I might have something for those burns." I open my backpack and pull out the ointment. Ellie takes it and I can tell it helps.

"Oh, that's so much better. Are you hungry? We've got food."

"Are you sure you don't mind?" Weak Johanna replies, normal Johanna wants to take the food and run but it's too soon.

"Of course, there's still the Careers out there, stick with us for a bit." Joshua passes me some bread and I eat it quickly with little manners.

"Thanks. I'm sorry about the girl from your district, it was…" I let my voice fade. Joshua nods.

"It was her token, the wooden ball. I don't know why it was so important but…at least it was quick." I nod and look away.

"We should get some sleep, we've got a spare sleeping bag." Ellie passes me the bag and I pull off my outer clothes and spread them out the dry quicker and slide into the bag, it's really warm.

I wonder if I should stay awake but dismiss it. We're safe here, I don't think the others will hurt me and I suspect the cameras are in here. A coward would sleep.

* * *

I wake up to a strange sound and it takes me a while to realise that it's the sound of Ellie laughing.

"…just hold still it won't tickle as much!" She says. I sit up and see that she is pulling what looks like a stinger out of Joshua's arm.

"Hey Johanna! Your face looks funny!" Joshua says, giggling.

"He went to get water and something stung him, it's sent him loopy." Ellie explains.

"Loopy, that's a funny word!"

I stifle a laugh and reach out to find my clothes dry. I pull them on and then emerge from the sleeping bag and crawl over to Joshua and Ellie.

He has a large needle in his hand and his eyes are glazed, like Cynthia when she's had Morphling.

"Is it hurting him? I've got pain tablets."

"No, he just said it tickles but I can't get it out." She says, trying to pull the sting out without touching it.

"Let me try." I pick up two flattish rocks from the ground and try to use them together but the stinger doesn't give an inch.

"Maybe the effects will reduce?" Ellie suggests.

"I hope so, he can't go outside like this, he'll attract attention."

"Hey, hey, Johanna! Do you want a tissue? You know, cause of the crying!" Joshua laughs again and Ellie hits him lightly.

"I'm fine at the moment, thank you." I reply stiffly.

"I'll go out and hunt, you stay with him." Ellie says, picking up the bow and arrow.

"Can you hunt?" I ask.

"I can try, can you?" I need to look weak.

"I can gather." I reply, my eyes full of fake shame.

"I'll hunt first, then you can try." I nod and she crawls out. Joshua makes to follow her but I pull him back.

"No Joshua, you have to stay here."

"Why?"

"To guard with me." I reply.

"Oh, that's boring! I want to kill someone!" He laughs loudly after this and I let a small laugh escape.

"Why don't you tell me a story, while we wait?" I suggest, he seems to want to talk.

"Nah, you tell me one. Tell me about your father going crazy!" I nod, at least it will keep him here.

"Okay. I was eight, I'd been sick with a fever so my mother put me to bed early. She had just baked me a chocolate cake, it was to make me feel better but I was too sick to eat it. I was asleep but still a bit awake, I can remember hearing my brother getting put to bed."

"What was his name? Was it Joshua, 'cause that's my name."

"No, it wasn't Joshua."

"What was it?" He sits cross-legged as if he was at school during story time.

"Douglas."

"That's a silly name!"

"He didn't like it much either." My mother used to call him Doug but he wasn't keen on that either.

"How old was he?"

"He was five, he would be twelve now, the same as you."

"I'm nearly thirteen."

"Well, he would have only just been twelve. Anyway, I remember my mother putting him to bed and blowing out the candle…"

"You use candles! We get lights!"

"Well aren't you lucky!" Normal Johanna spits, thankfully Joshua doesn't seem to notice, he's still laughing about candles.

"Then what happened?"

"I fell asleep for a bit and then I woke up and I wanted some water, the glass by my bed was empty, I think Douglas drank it, anyway I got out of bed and went into the bathroom with the glass. Then I heard a scream…"

"Who was it? Your mother?" He's so into this story that I want to punch him. At least it's keeping him here and relatively quiet.

"No, it was my father, he was angry."

"What about?"

"I'm not sure, he went a bit…he was hit on the head by a falling branch the year before and he wasn't quite the same afterwards…"

"He went loopy?"

"Yeah, I guess. Anyway, he was screaming and I heard my mother get up to go to him. Then I heard the sound of an axe swinging and my mother cried out but it didn't sound right, I knew it had hit her chest. I dropped the glass I was holding, it smashed on the floor but he didn't hear. My mother was being…chopped up…" I remember the sound and I swallow thickly.

"What about your brother?"

"I was still in the bathroom, I heard my father call him and I knew Douglas would go to him. He…really loved him. I started to panic, I stood on the sink and jumped up to the window. I heard my brother scream…he was dead quickly, it didn't last long."

"Then what happened?"

"I heard my father call me but I squeezed through the window and ran to the trees around the back of the cabin. I climbed one quickly and hid. I could hear my father calling me but I hid…" I remember the sound of his voice changing, I think he realised what he had done, I think he was crying for help but I didn't move from the tree.

"Did the Peacekeepers come? Did they shoot him?" I don't know why I ever thought Joshua was like Douglas, they are night and day. Although Joshua is clearly drugged by whatever stung him.

"No, he came into the garden with a rope. I climbed higher in the tree so he wouldn't see me and then he hung himself."

"From the tree you were in?!" Joshua gasps, and then giggles. "That's funny." I want to kill him, I want to pick up the knife that Ellie left behind and stab him but I don't. There must be cameras in here. I start to cry.

When Ellie comes back an hour later she looks at me and sighs, looking disappointed. Joshua sees her and immediately brightens up, I have been boring for the past hour, just crying.

"Guess what? Johanna's father murdered her family and then hung himself from the tree she was hiding in!" Ellie has the grace to look abashed. I look at her and shrug.

"He wanted the story." She nods.

"I got some grooslings. Do you still…"

"I'll gather." I pull myself up and grab my backpack, Ellie passes me a knife.

"Thanks, get ready for story time, Joshua." Joshua nods and looks at Ellie with great enthusiasm, I hear her sigh slightly.

As soon as I'm out of the burrow I feel a sense of relief. It's still daytime, perhaps three in the afternoon and the sun is beaming down on the arena. I move into the wood and start gathering the potato things.

Another parachute glides down to me and this time it doesn't make me jump. I open it and nearly laugh. Blight and Cynthia have sent me a chocolate cake. Only a small piece, enough for just me.

I climb the nearest pine tree and look at it for a good ten minutes before I eat it. I hope this means that their happy with me, and that they don't mind me making an alliance. I suspect they're pleased that I opened up about my family. A drugged-out Joshua succeeding where Caesar Flickerman failed.

The cake is so delicious it nearly makes me cry. I even lick the paper that it comes on to get every crumb I can.

I'm just descending the tree when I hear a scream and then a cannon. The scream came from further in the wood but much closer than I like so I flee quickly, back to the burrow.

When I'm inside Ellie visibly relaxes.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I don't know what happened but it wasn't far away."

"Fuck, we can't start a fire if someone's close. What did you gather?"

"They're like potatoes. I've got some dried fruit as well. We could cook the groosling at dawn?"

"Yeah." I suddenly realise that Joshua is unusually quiet.

"Is he alright?"

"Yeah, I got a parachute of sleep syrup."

"Thank God, we might be able to sleep for a bit then."

"Yeah, I think one should keep watch thought, we don't know who's close."

"I'll go first." Ellie agrees and settles into her sleeping bag. I crawl to the entrance of the burrow and keep watch.

When it gets dark Ellie shuffles up and sits next to me.

"You can sleep if you want?"

"I'll wait till the projection. Just one tonight, right?"

"Yeah I think so, there was one last night as well, you were asleep. It was the boy from Twelve."

"They haven't got anyone now, have they?"

"No. One, Four, Seven and Ten still have both."

"What happened to the boy from your district?"

"Bloodbath."

"Oh."

"I thought…" The anthem interrupts her and we both look at the sky.

The girl from Four.

"That must mean the Careers were close…" Ellie starts but I interrupt.

"No, they weren't with the Careers." I tell her about the conversation I overheard in the tree.

"Still, the boy from Four looked pretty strong. I'll guard, get some sleep." I nod and crawl back into the space.

I go to sleep quickly but the sound of talking wakes me up. Ellie is presumable still guarding, at first I think Joshua is talking to himself.

"…just nice little walk across the dirt..."

"Joshua?" I ask, sitting up. He turns to me, his face is grey in colour but he still looks happy.

"Hello Johanna, we have a prisoner!"

"Who?" I ask, sitting up quickly and looking around the empty burrow.

"This fellow from District Worm!" I look and see that he is gesturing to a longer than average worm.

"Go to sleep, Joshua." I say, flopping down again.

"No, I'm going to kill it."

"Go on then."

"Do you want to watch?" He asks, looking over at me.

"No, thank you." I close my eyes and I hear Joshua swipe the knife through the air and then through the worm.

"Ha! I got…" His voice turns to screams and when I sit up I see thousands of the worms coming out of the earth and descending on the burrow. Mainly on Joshua but I already have some on my sleeping bag.

I shuffle across the ground, shoving my back pack into my sleeping bag, I grab Ellie's as well but Joshua's is too far away. I don't even consider helping him.

I drag myself towards the exit, Ellie blocks it up when she sees Joshua being literally eaten alive she freezes.

"Ellie! MOVE!" My yell unfreezes her and she backs out, pulling me and my sleeping bag with her. A worm lands on my cheek and I pull it off. It sticks to my hand and the pain is excruciating.

A cannon fires and I know that Joshua is dead.

As soon as we're outside I throw myself out of the sleeping bag and hit my hand as hard as I can with a rock. The worm falls off and Ellie stamps on it but I'm fairly sure I broke my hand.

As if by an unspoken agreement we grab our stuff and flee into the forest. After we've ran for about ten minutes we stop and collapse on the ground.

"Water!" Ellie croaks, I pass her a water skin and she drinks hungrily, I drink as well.

"Are you alright?" I ask, panting.

"Yeah, you?"

"I think I broke my own hand." I'm glad it wasn't my right hand, I'll need that for axe throwing.

"I've got a bandage. What happened?" She sits down and opens her backpack. As she wraps my hand I tell her about Joshua.

"He was talking, I thought to himself but he was talking to a worm. Just one, he said he was going to kill it, I told him to get on with it but when he did…they came from everywhere! If I hadn't been in that sleeping bag…"

"I think he was dying anyway, the worms were probably quicker." I nod and we lapse into silence for a while.

"How many left?" I ask, trying to calculate.

"Maybe nine, ten?" Ellie replies, a look of concentration gracing her face. "We should stick together for a bit longer." I nod but don't reply.

"We should sleep in the trees, can you climb?" I ask, she nods and we scale trees next to each other. I can barely see her through the branches but I doubt it will matter, I suspect we won't be talking tonight, or sleeping.

When the sun finally rises it brings a strange fog. I hear Ellie climb down so I do too and we meet at the foot of the trunks.

"I'll light a fire, this fog will cover it. Can you collect wood?" I nod, not mentioning that I could probably light a fire quicker than her. The fog is thick so I don't move far from the new camp. When I return she is waiting with matches.

"From my sponsors." She says, with a smile. "Have you got anything yet?"

"Just the medicine for the burns." I don't tell her about the chocolate cake. I shared the medicine with her, that's enough.

She plucks the grooslings and I pretend to be disgusted by the very sight of a dead animal, she laughs.

"You've not spent much time outside, have you?"

"Not lately, my Grandpa was so sick…" My voice fades and she nods.

"My grandparents are dead too. My parents aren't though."

"Do you think you'll see them again?"

"No, but I like to think they'd be proud of me for making it this far. We haven't had someone in Eleven get this far for a while."

"They'll be proud." I say with a certainty in my voice because as far as I know all Ellie has done in this arena is save two people's lives and form an alliance. She has no blood on her hands and I doubt that will change.

"I hope so. I try not to think about them but…I dream." I nod.

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"Yeah, or I guess I did."

"What's his name?"

"Jack, we were going to get married, it's my birthday in two days."

"That's bad luck."

"Tell me about it."

"Maybe they'll whisk you out the minute you turn eighteen?" I say and Ellie laughs and passes me a piece of groosling, it's delicious.

"Yeah, and I'll have a big party with cake and wine!"

We plan Ellie's imaginary birthday party for a few minutes and then she puts out the fire and we eat the rest of the groosling.

"How old are you?"

"Fifteen."

"You look older but you seem younger." I wonder if she suspects it all an act but her eyes aren't accusing me.

"I had to grow up fast, I guess." I reply, letting sadness cover my face.

Ellie is about to reply when I look up and realise we are surrounded by fog, thick fog that we can't see past.

"We should move. Anyone could be out there." We gather our things and start to move away from the river, within a few steps I can't see anything, I can't hear anything.

"Ellie?" I whisper but I don't get a response.

I know why the Games-makers are doing this. They want to drive us together, Joshua was killed by worms, some others by deer, they want us to kill each other.

They probably want to test the strength of my allegiance with Ellie.

I try to move in a straight line but trees are constantly blocking my path so I have no idea which direction I'm going. I could even be going round in circles.

The only sound I can hear is my heartbeat. It's fast.

I have no concept of time but I stop to rest every so often. When I fall straight into a tree trunk I have to stop for what must be at least twenty minutes before I can get up again.

I'm dizzy but I'm not sure if it's because of the fog or because I've got concussion. The camera's must have special vision because how else would the Capitol viewers, and the rest of Panem, see us. They must be getting a real kick out of us all bumping into things and gradually getting closer together.

A cannon fires and then as if on cue the fog clears.

Including me there are four people in the clearing.

* * *

A/N Reviews would be appreciated!


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

We all freeze for a moment, the disappearance of the fog seems to have taken us all by surprise. We're no longer in the forest, we're at the desert plain, not far from the ant hill.

Ellie is about twenty feet away from me, she has a graze on her face but looks relatively unscathed. The boy from Ten is only a few metres away from me and the boy from Four is close to him.

All my instincts tell me to fight, to run at the boy from Ten who appears unsteady on his feet. Then several things happen at the same time.

An arrow flies so close to my arm that it tears my jacket. It came from behind me. I hear two people call my name.

"JOHANNA, RUN!" Ellie and Oak scream at the same time but I don't know where Oak is. I suspect that he's not alone.

I don't need telling twice, I start running towards the forest and it takes all my will power not to turn back. It's too soon, there are still too many and I don't have an axe yet.

Another arrow whistles behind me and it hits the top of my left leg, I don't falter in my stride. I keep running even though it's agony. The arrow starts to loosen so I pull it out without looking, it makes me scream out but at least I have the arrow. That's two now, if only I could make an axe.

A cannon fires. Does that mean there are less than ten left?

Blight said to wait, I should wait until at least some of the Careers have been taken out.

The trees seem to bend and before I realise what's happening I pass out and the forest floor jumps up to meet me.

* * *

The sound of the anthem wakes me, my vision is blurry and I feel weak but I make out the projections in the sky.

The girl from One. Was her name really Dazzle?

The boy from Four.

The boy from Ten.

Ellie.

I let the cameras pick up on tears but really I'm relieved that I didn't have to kill Ellie. I try and think how many are left. Gus from One, the boy from Two, the boy from Three, Oak and I. Is that it?

Can I be me now?

I think about it for a few minutes and then decide that the coward-Johanna and normal-Johanna would act the same in this situation. I'm too weak to do anything. I sit up slowly and start to tend to my injuries. I eat the rest of my dried fruit and drink my water skin dry. I take some pain tablets and put moss inside my trousers to soak up some blood from my arrowed-bum.

With great difficulty I drag myself up a tree and make sure I'm well covered before wrapping myself in the red blanket.

I think back to the confrontation. Why did Oak tell me to run? He said he wanted to kill me quickly, could he not stand the thought that someone else might get the honour?

I have a relatively peaceful night and in the morning a parachute wakes me up. It flies right into my lap and I open it with shaking hands.

There is a bread roll that I eat quickly, only when I've finished do I realise that there is something else in the container. To anyone in the Capitol they would wonder why my mentors sent me a stone block. To everyone in Seven they will know exactly what it is but they might be confused as to why I've been sent it.

I know exactly what it is and why Blight sent it to me.

It's a stone for sharpening axes. It's time to say good-bye to coward-Johanna.

I smile to myself and then actually laugh, rather loudly. Perhaps the people in the Capitol think I've lost it like Annie Cresta.

I pull off the red blanket and stow it in my backpack, along with the stone, and then sort through the rest of my possessions.

I need to get hold of an axe, I'm sure it's only the Careers left now.

Jumping out of the tree I land painfully but don't let it show. I stand and listen carefully, I can hear water trickling and within minutes I reach the river.

I fill the water skin and drink it before filling it again.

Yesterday's bloodshed seems to have placated the Games-makers and the Capitol because they leave us alone today. I catch some fish and by the time I climb into a tree to sleep I'm fairly full. The anthem plays but there are no faces in the sky.

I'm just about the drop off when they anthem plays again and Caesars voice fills the air.

"Congratulations on making the final six! As a reward for your success there will be a feast at sunrise, the feast will be held on the top of the hill and we will be a _providing _Capitol!"

I'm out of my tree before he's even finished speaking. While I can easily survive for days on the fish from the river I wonder if there will be weapons available.

I position myself in a tree on the outskirts of the forest. It's well concealed but I have a good view of the top of the hill.

My adrenaline is flowing too well for me to sleep and now I'm so awake everything seems to annoy me. The sound of the birds. The pain in my bum, I swallow my last pain tablet. My hair irritates my neck, I cut it shorter crudely with the arrows, imagining Purple's face. The cold air is bothersome.

I'm too exposed to risk my blanket but it's so cold I almost give in a few times.

I try to think of the other players. I've missed someone, after running through The Reapings in my mind I realise it's the girl from Ten. I don't know what score she got but I remember her being quite proficient with knives during the training.

The Capitol will be interviewing our family and friends now. I wonder if they'll speak to Acacia, I wonder if Maple asked Oak to make it quick or if he's just making it up because he feels sorry for me.

I sharpen my arrows with the stone block, I'm not sure how much it helps but it gives me something to do. I won't be able to hurt anyone at a distance without a bow but it will help up close.

When dawn comes I'm glaring at the top of the hill so hard that at first I don't realise what I'm seeing. I shake myself and look at the feast.

There is food, I can even see a cake and turkey. There are weapons too, I see an axe.

As I prepare to climb down the tree I see a flash of blond from my left and the girl from Ten has just started running towards the hill. She's limping so she must be desperate to risk her life for what she might be able to scrounge.

I'm out of the tree and running after her. She doesn't notice I'm there until I'm right behind her, she turns and throws a knife at me but I duck and it misses.

I jump at her and we're rolling around on the floor. She's fairly well-built but she's clearly weak from injuries.

"I'll…let you go…" She gasps, my hands on her throat. She still sees me as the coward-Johanna even though I'm on top of her. I laugh and she looks scared.

"Thank, but no thanks." I push the arrow into her throat and she gasps one more time and the lies still.

Again a flash at the edge of my field of vision has me looking up.

It's Gus. The fact that he's on his own tells me the Career alliance has broken up, it always does near the end.

I climb off the girl, pulling her backpack as if it's mine and start screaming hysterically.

Gus starts towards me but I can tell that he's wounded as well. I keep screaming and fall to my knees. Her backpack was too heavy and when I open it up I'm delighted to see an axe glinting at me. I keep it in the back pack, hidden, and stay on my knees. Screaming.

"SHUT UP! They'll be close you stupid…" Gus doesn't see the axe, he's looking around at the tree line and my axe decapitates him cleanly. I look around at the trees and search the girls backpack, Gus hasn't got one.

I run to the axe, past Gus' head and his still twitching body, and pick it up before running to the top of the hill. No one else seems to be here but that doesn't mean they won't come.

I can hide, play dead at the top of the hill.

When I reach the table the vision changes from a delicious feast to mouldy bread. I laugh. What a trick, how the Games-makers must be laughing!

The table is covered with a table cloth and I dive under it, I can see an inch all the way around the hill but I doubt they'll see me. Not when they spot the delicious looking food supposedly above me.

I munch on a cracker than the girl from Ten had in her pack, she had water too and I guzzle it quickly.

Commotion from behind me. I shuffle around and see the boy from Two and the boy from Three fighting. One has a knife and the other an axe.

It's smarter to let them finish each other off so I wait. Three is victorious and he runs up the hill. When I know which direction he's coming I back out from the opposite side of the table and wait.

"Fuck!" He exclaims, clearly the mirage has faded.

"Yeah, that's what I thought." I stand up and he jumps but then smiles.

"The crier, seriously?" I see him reposition his knife and I fly over the table to him, it clearly takes him by surprise and I'm on him quickly.

His knife cuts my arm and in that moment I curse myself for forgetting to simply throw my axe.

I still manage to cut his throat and he stops moving quickly. I'm just straightening up when I hear an unmistakably familiar voice behind me.

"Johanna?"

* * *

A/N Nearly the end of the Games, feedback would be nice!


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

I look up at Oak and climb off the dead boy.

"Hello Oak."

"I promised Maple I'd make it quick."

"Are you even going to marry her? Be a father to her kid?" A sick smile graces his face.

"I won't need to, I'll have any girl I want! I'm a Victor!" He repositions the knife in his hand, I'm surprised he's not using an axe but then I remember he's from the richer part of Seven. He's probably got more experience with a knife. From slicing potatoes or meat.

"I'm sorry." I say, sincerely.

"I'm the one who should be apologising." He replies. I smile.

"I wasn't talking to you."

"Who were you talking to then?" He looks around wildly, clearly thinking that he has miscalculated and that I still have an ally somewhere.

I take my chance, the axe misses his neck but hits him in the chest, my arm is bleeding from the knife wound so my aim is a bit off.

"Sorry Acacia." I say, stepping towards him. He's still alive but he's dropped to the ground and dropped the knife.

I kick it away from him just to be on the safe side and pull my axe out of him. He gurgles up some blood, like a dying animal. I pull the axe back and combining Maple's promise with Acacia's, I make it quick.

The cannon fires and I drop to my knees. Whether from relief or blood loss I'm not entirely sure.

"Ladies and Gentlemen! The Victor of the seventy-first Hunger Games…Johanna Mason, District Seven!"

The hovercraft appears quickly and I hold onto my axe tighter and grip onto the ladder with the other. A current freezes me in place and pulls me into the craft.

The doors close underneath me and someone tries to take the axe out of my hand, I don't respond well and I'm almost sure I cut someone with it. An injection in my leg has me not caring. I fade.

* * *

When awareness comes back to me I know I'm no longer in a hovercraft. It's too quiet and the walls are so bright. It reminds me of the lighting in the laboratories.

I open my eyes quickly and then squint against the white.

I'm definitely in the laboratory. There is medical equipment around me, some of them are beeping, there are tubes into my arm, I look down but I am distracted by the size of my chest. I've never been exactly developed in that department but it looks like everything has been changed.

"I said you'd find out what the laboratories were for." I look around and see Blight examining me from the corner. He steps forward and puts his hand out to me, as if to shake my hand.

"Hi, I'm Blight, nice to meet you."

"What?" I reply, my voice scratchy.

"I used to know someone who looked like you, she was a sissy though. I'm Blight." He gestures to his hand again so I shake it with a wry smile.

"Johanna Mason, nice to meet you."

"Nice work, sissy." He relaxes with an easy smile that he's never used on me before.

"Thanks. How long have I been here?"

"Just over a day."

"Are there any other…" I gesture to my chest, "…developments I should know about?"

"They got rid of the arrow wound in your ass, they might have done some work there too. It could be worse, the girl who won the year before me came out with a face so flat you could have rolled pastry on it. Oh, and whiskers."

"So, should I be thanking you?" I ask, sarcasm in my voice.

"Thank Cyn, she got all up in the doctor's faces about it- it was hilarious. She's talking to Purple at the moment. Who, by the way, is more than a little pissed off about your hair."

"She'll get over it." I reply, reaching up to find that my hair is now shorter than the arena but presumably better styled.

"I fear she won't."

"When can I get out of here?" Blight disappears to find out and when he returns a doctor is with him. He asked me loads of questions and then disconnects me and tries to help me to my feet. I hit him away and Blight laughs before helping me himself, I don't hit him, mainly because I am actually leaning on him.

We get into the lift and Blight punches the button, I lean against the corner, annoyed by how weak I feel.

"What happens now?" I ask, I want nothing more than to sleep, preferably in my new mansion in District Seven that has no memories of my family.

"Interview tonight, prep before." I look down at my chest again, at least they're not as big as Eloise's but they still feel alien.

The doors open and Eloise's breasts are suddenly in my face as she hugs me.

"Well done, Johanna, such a marvellous tactic, you clever thing." I shrug myself away from her and look to Cynthia.

"Hi."

"Congratulations." She says, her smile does not reach her hazy eyes and I wonder if she's mad at me.

"Let's eat and talk about the interview!" Eloise says, clapping her hands and walking over to the table.

I sit down, grateful for the chance to rest and Blight passes me a small portion of stew, I look up at him.

"Is that it?"

"You've got to ease yourself back into eating, trust me."

"And you don't want to feel ill on camera." Eloise adds.

The door opens before I have chance to reply and Purple comes in, she's wearing what can only be described as a suction suit which is the colour of vomit.

"Johanna." She says formally, sitting down next to Cynthia. The suit bends as she sits but still looks uncomfortable, I don't reply.

"So, we need to know your angle for the interview." Eloise says, looking at me as if I'm a toddler again.

"I'll just be myself, thanks."

"Yes, yes, of course but…"

"We don't know who that is." Cynthia interrupts, taking a long drink of wine and still not looking at me.

I take a bite of stew to avoid answering.

"I was thinking of dressing you as a chameleon, what do you think?"

"That there is no way I'm dressing as a reptile."

"Amphibian." Cynthia says.

"No, it's a reptile." I say hotly, they are finally seeing the real Johanna and she doesn't back down when she knows she's right.

"Anyway, how about chameleon colours then, changing personality and everything. You need to look amazing, especially now we can't work with your…" Purple breaks off, gesturing to my hair, and it's clear she's supressing a sob. These people are insane.

Blight aims a light kick at me from next to me.

"Sure, chameleon colours, fine." I find myself saying.

I eat the rest of my stew in three bites and I'm still hungry.

"So, how are you going to answer the questions?" Eloise asks, smiling.

"With words."

"Yes…well…I'll go and check the schedule." Purple gets up as well and they both leave the apartment quickly, muttering darkly.

"When can we go home?" I ask Blight, Cynthia looks too drugged to answer.

"Tonight, actually we need to talk to you about the house."

"What about it?"

"You need to have an adult with you, until next year. Any ideas?"

"I don't want anyone with me, I can take care of myself."

"We know that but the Capitol insists. When we get home we'll sort it out." He looks around the room as if checking for cameras and I suddenly feel quite exposed.

"I'm going to have a nap. When do I need to get ready?"

"Couple of hours, I'll wake you."

"Thanks." I leave the table and glance at Cynthia who looks asleep, does she hate me now?

* * *

"Well, it's the best I can do. At least you've got a chest to work with now." Purple stands back with a disappointed sigh.

"I like the dress." Considering I was going to be dressed as a chameleon this is a pleasant surprise. The dress is multi-coloured but not in a tacky way and it looks good on my recent alterations. My hair is short and spiky and I actually quite like it, my prep team almost cried when they saw it.

"Are we ready in here? Oh Johanna, you look tremendous!" Eloise says, walking into the room and smiling with her false and fake white teeth.

"Thank you."

We walk out of the room and Blight and Cynthia are waiting, both looking drug-free and well turned out.

"Looking good, sissy."

"You scrub up well." I reply, Blight laughs.

"Come on, come on, time to go!" Eloise says, ushering us into an elevator. Due to the size of my dress it's only Blight and Cynthia that fit in with me and I'm grateful for even a minute outside of the company of Capitol people.

"A few more hours." Says Blight, I see in the mirror that he has squeezed Cynthia's hand slightly and she nods.

"Are you looking forward to going home?" I ask her.

"Always, this place is full of evil…"

"Cyn." Warns Blight, she casts him a look and nods.

"It will be nice to get back to Seven, I miss the smell."

"Of Pine?" I ask, she nods and smiles slightly.

"Me too, the Pine in the arena was fake, too big and…" My voice fades and I try and drag my mind out of the arena.

Blight puts his hand on the small of my back and I'm thankful for it.

"A few more hours." I say quietly.

It seems like no time at all before I'm waiting backstage and Caeser is warming up the crowd.

"Ready?" Blight asks. I nod and he nods to someone else.

"…winner of the seventy first Hunger Games, from District Seven, Johanna Mason!"

I walk onto the stage with confidence, not like my previous presentation, and Caeser beams at me and kisses me on the cheek before we sit. The crowd is going crazy and I allow myself a smile.

"So, Johanna, Johanna, Johanna! What a transformation! Did you know you are the first Victor ever with a score of two?"

"Not I didn't, but I did work very hard to get my two." The crowd laughs and Caeser joins them.

"So, when did you formulate the plan, did your mentors know?"

"It was my Grandpa's plan, he always said the tributes so act weak first."

"It's a very clever tactic. Did you mentors know?"

"Not at first, they began to suspect."

"Let's take a look at some of the footage, shall we everyone?" The audience scream in agreement and the screens around me are filled with the reaping.

I watch myself get selected, trip up to stage, cry at the train station, shake on the chariots, become hysterical during the interviews, completely freak out when the girl from Six explodes next to me.

The screen returns to blank and the audience clap and cheer my name.

"So how much of that was staged?"

"All of it, no actually, I didn't mean to trip at the Reaping but I didn't stop myself from falling."

"Weak from the start, I see."

"Exactly."

"How did you get such a low training score?"

"I purposely burnt myself trying to make a fire and then went to pick up an axe and had a meltdown."

"Well, you definitely tricked the Gamesmakers, didn't she Seneca?" The camera's pan up to the Gamesmaker gallery and I see with a jolt that Snow is also there, watching me closely.

"Absolutely Caesar, we even considered giving her a one." Seneca says with a small bow at me."

"Tell me about the bloodbath?"

"I was trying to think of a reason for me to run, everyone thought I'd stay so I needed a good reason to hide, when the girl…"

"Toya, from District Six." He supplies.

"Yes, when she dropped her token and…"

"Let's see that, shall we?" The Capitol audience cheer and I find myself looking over at the Mentor stand, the Mentors from six seem as disgusted as I am by the bloodlust of the audience, I look away from the screen but hear the audience cheer at my hysteria.

"I think if we look closely, we can see that you're getting ready to run, you're screaming but your legs are ready to bolt."

"Yes, I had my reason to run."

"Let's watch the rest of the bloodbath."

I nod but don't watch the screen, I watch the audience. They cheer every time someone dies, it's despicable. Around the Mentor's I watch lights go out as the tributes from each district are killed. Both tributes from Nine are killed first, their mentors fade into darkness and I see one of them take a long drink of something. I wish I could have some.

We then watch the Careers and Oak start to go through the supplies, Oak fits in so easily it's remarkable.

"What did you think of Oak joining the alliance, did you know he would?"

"I knew they wanted him but I wasn't sure how he'd play it."

"You didn't talk with him."

"Why would I? We're not… we were never friends." I don't want to talk about Oak, I don't want to talk about any of it.

I watch the tributes from eight get killed by a deer and the audience boo, they are annoyed that it was not other tributes that killed them.

They show the footage of Oak and the Careers talking and me hiding in the tree.

"What did you think when Oak said he wanted to kill you?"

"Not much, I wasn't planning on giving him a chance." The audience laugh and I see Blight laugh slightly.

"Did you know who had made him promise to make it quick?"

"I suspected it was my friend's sister."

"Maple."

"Yes, I was right."

We watch some more footage and then there is a clip of Ellie saving me from the river and taking me into the Burrow.

"Tell us about Ellie."

"She was a nice girl, I think she was a good person."

"Indeed, I think one of the most touching moments between you was when you planned her birthday party, so touching, wasn't it?" The audience cheer and I look over at the mentors from Eleven, the woman gives me a small smile.

"Her family should be proud of her."

"Of course, now tell us about Joshua." He says, dismissing my tribute to Ellie and wanting to move on to another death.

"I didn't speak to him much before he was stung."

"Of course, the firefly venom, let's see that!" I watch Joshua get stung and cry out, Ellie struggles to get him back to the burrow because he won't stop singing.

"And then we have the story of your family, such a poignant moment, shall we see it again?" The audience agree and I want to kill them all.

I keep my eyes away from the screen and they find Cynthia who looks at me properly for the first time since the end of the Games. She holds my gaze until the end of the story and then nods, bringing my attention back to Caeser.

He starts to question me but I give one word answers so he moves on fairly quickly. I watch Joshua get eaten my worms, watch the fog descend and the confrontation. When my bum is hit with an arrow the audience all wince.

"I'm assuming that mark has been removed?" Caeser asks with an easy laugh.

"I haven't had chance to look yet." The audience love that, some of them offer to look for me and I ball my hands into fist to keep my temper under control.

"Now, let's move onto the next parachute, what was with the stone?"

"It's used to sharpen axes, I'd lost count of how many tributes were left so I assumed it was my mentors telling me it was time to start being real."

"Was that the case, Blight?" Caeser turns around and Blight nods.

"Yes, it was time to start playing the game properly."

"Excellent tactic, truly excellent."

"It was all Johanna." Blight says with a small smile.

"Of course, now, the feast?"

"Yes?" I say, wanting to get to the end quickly.

"Did you think there would be food?"

"I didn't really care about the food, I was hoping for an axe."

"Let's see the final deaths, shall we?" The audience cheer madly.

When I kill the girl they all laugh and whoop, Gus's death is met with wild applause. It's just as Oak appears that Caeser stops the tape.

"It's always more interesting when the final two are from the same District!"

"I was hoping it wouldn't be Oak but I wasn't surprised, he was always strong."

"Tell us about Maple, we interviewed her." There is nothing I want to talk about less than Maple, sitting at home with Acacia, probably with one hand on her stomach, maybe even crying.

"She's a lovely girl but…I knew Oak wasn't going to marry her, he wasn't the type to settle down."

"We definitely got that impression when you spoke to him." The video plays and I'm glad that I asked Oak about Maple, it might help her hate me less.

"Acacia is Maple's younger sister, correct?"

"Yes, she's my friend. She asked me not to kill Oak, I told her I'd try not to but…when you're in the arena home seems like a long way away, promises are hard to keep." Caeser seems so touched at this that it takes him a few moments to compose himself.

The interview finishes and Snow comes and crowns me, he smells of roses, and blood. He smiles at me as he places the crown on my head.

"Congratulations, Miss Mason."

"Thank you."

"I'm sure they'll be very proud of you in Seven."

"I hope so, sir." He laughs slightly and then leaves.

I pose for what seems like a million photos and then I'm back on the train, time seemed to pass so quickly it's like I was drugged.

My bed on the train seems too soft, I want to sleep but sleep doesn't find me.

A/N I hope you enjoyed this chapter, let me know what you think!


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

I step of the train and I'm overwhelmed by the size and volume of the crowd, they are clapping and cheering my name. It seems like a strange response but I'm happy to accept it. I scan the people as Eloise ushers us towards the justice building but I don't see Acacia, or her family.

Can they really be angry with me? Oak said he wasn't going to marry Maple! They must have heard that, perhaps they thought it was for the audience.

"Come on, come on!" Eloise says, turning her broad smile to the crowd before opening the door of the justice building and almost pushing me in. Normally the cameras would film a tear reuniting of the victor and their family but this year…

"JOHANNA!" I look up at the voice and then I'm nearly knocked to my feet by the force of the hug. For a moment I have no idea who's hugging me but then I get a whiff of Berry shampoo and I know it's Acacia. She actually came.

"Hey…" My voice is cut off because she's squeezing me so tightly, I find myself smiling. After another few seconds Blight steps in and gently pulls Acacia off me.

"She needs to breathe." He says gruffly, Acacia looks confused but recovers quickly.

"Oh, yeah, sorry Johanna."

"It's alright."

"Come on, Mom's waiting inside!" Acacia grabs my hand and pulls me into a large room where the rest of her family are waiting, including Maple with whom I briefly lock eyes with before looking away.

"Oh Johanna, come here you brave thing!" Mrs Peters hugs me tightly and I grip back. "He'd be so proud." She whispers in my ear, I nod and surprisingly have to blink away tears.

Mrs Peters guides me to the seat at the head of the table and I sit down, the seat is cushioned and it feels weird on my new bum. Looking down the table I see the rest of Acacia's family, she's one of seven, three girls and four boys.

The youngest boy, Jonah, is standing on his chair and waving madly at me, as if I'm a million miles away rather than four chairs.

"Hi Jonah."

"Hi Johanna! You were awesome!" I smile and look down the other side of the table, there is a boy with such similar similarity to Oak than I gasp. Blight looks over to see what startled me but then purposely leans over the table, under the pretence of shaking hands with Mr Peters and gives me a firm look, I nod trying to contain my emotions.

The mayor makes a short speech about what an honour it is to have a victor from the District again, compliments me on my performance and then gives a small, almost one-word, tribute to Oak. His mother looks like she could dissolves into sobs at any moment.

The food is good, nothing like the splendour of the Capitol but much better than any meal I've ever had in Seven. Acacia sits on one side of me and Blight on the other. Eloise is trying to make strained conversation with Oak's father whilst his brother stares at me. It's not a hostile look but it's not far off.

"So, we need to talk about the house."

"House?" I ask, tearing my eyes away from the brother and looking at Blight.

"The victor house."

"Oh, yeah, I told you I can look after myself…"

"Not happening, The Peters have suggested that they could live with you."

"Yeah sure." I say, not really caring.

"Are you sure, Johanna? We wouldn't want to intrude." Mrs Peters says, simultaneously reaching for my hand to squeeze and holding Jonah into his seat.

"No, it makes sense, there's lots of space isn't there?"

"Ten bedrooms, six bathrooms." Cynthia says suddenly.

"Ten? That's ridiculous!" I say, most people in Seven share a room.

"Well I think it's a bit harsh that you don't have ten bathrooms as well, I can't imagine sharing with someone!" Eloise says.

"Of course you can't." I spit, more harshly than I intended. Eloise flushes for a moment but then turns to the Mayor and starts to talk about the paintings on the wall.

"Fine, well the Peters can move in with you, I'll stay until they're in."

"Don't you trust me for a couple of nights?"

"The girl that won the year before me killed herself on…"

"Cyn!" Blight hisses, Cynthia falls silent and takes a long sip of wine.

"Well, it won't take long to move things, it will still be your house though Johanna, and when you turn eighteen we'll move straight out." I start to argue but I'm shushed quickly by Mr Peters. He's a man of few words.

"And we've got the things from your Grandpa's house."

"Thanks, where is his tree?"

"Next to your mother's." Mrs Peters says softly, I nod. It's a tradition in Seven that when someone dies they are cremated and their ashes are planted with a new tree, the only ones not allowed to be harvested.

"Is Oak having a tree?" Maple asks in a carrying whisper.

"Yes, the Capitol sent…" Oak's mother breaks away with a sob and Maple looks down at me.

"Do you want to know where that one will be, Johanna?"

"Presumably in the same place mine would have been." I shoot back.

"Maple, enough." Mr Peters says, looking at his daughter.

"I'm not staying in her house!"

"Not now, Maple!" He replies, Maple stands up and storms out of the room.

The rest of the meal is awkward and when it's over I'm glad to get outside. The smell of pine is almost too real here. Eloise says goodbye and then Blight and Cynthia walk her to the car and I stay by the Justice Building. It's a clear night and the air has a chill to it.

"Johanna?" I turn around and see Oak's brother standing a short distance away.

"I don't want a scene, I'm sorry it was your brother but..."

"I'm not looking for an apology." He says, holding up his hands as if I'm pointing a gun at him.

"You're not?"

"No, I just wanted to thank you for making it quick, and for asking him about Maple."

"Maple?"

"She was telling everyone that he was going to marry her and all that nonsense, she needed to know what he was like."

"Oh, okay." What do you say to that?

"I'm Thomas." I nod but don't reply. "My mom doesn't want you coming to the ceremony, it's tomorrow. Could you stay away?"

"Of course, I wasn't planning…"

"Thomas? Where are you?" Thomas nods and ducks back into the building at the sound of his mother's voice and I move down the steps to create more distance.

Blight and Cynthia walk back over to me just as the family come out.

"You can all stay away tomorrow!" Mr Cross says, looking at Blight in particular.

"Hey, we did our best!" He replies.

"You sent her a stone to sharpen the axe that killed…"

"Dad, stop it!"

"She's a…"

"Lyall, let's go home, please." Mrs Cross begs. The family move away and Blight swears and kicks a stray log.

"It's late, come on." Cynthia says, putting her arm behind me to move me forwards.

The walk to Victor's Village is short and when we arrive Blight goes into his house without a backwards glance.

"Will he be alright?"

"Just needs to let off steam, it's the same every year with the families. They think we can get all the kids through, as if the Capitol would ever let two Victor's win! I've got your key." I nod and we walk up the steps to my new house.

Considering it's been uninhabited for years it's surprisingly clean, when we walk into the kitchen we find the cupboards fully stocked.

"Who did this?"

"The mayor would have sent people in to stock it and air it out." Cynthia says, looking around as if expecting someone to still be in there.

"You've probably got a new wardrobe as well, the big bedroom at the front has to be yours. I'll sleep on the sofa."

"You can have a room upstairs if…"

"No, I sleep during the day here. Sleep well, I've got some syrup if you want it."

"I'll be alright, I'm really tired. Goodnight Cynthia." Cynthia smiles and I walk up to my room.

The decoration is fairly plain but the bed is elegant and freshly made, there's even a set of nightclothes on the pillow. It's like I'm in someone else's house.

Nevertheless I pull on the clothes and sink under the blankets. Although I expect sleep to come quickly I soon find myself back downstairs. Cynthia smiles and passes me the syrup.

* * *

A/N So Johanna has made it back to Seven, let me know what you think.


	9. Chapter 9

When I wake on the first morning of my life as a Victor back in District Seven I'm struck by an overwhelming sense of loss.

My family are gone. I'm the last Mason. I no longer need to attend school. I won't be allowed to work in the Forest which was what I had always planned.

I now belong to the Capitol, when they tell me to do something, I'm expected to do it.

I walk downstairs and sit at the kitchen table.

It's such a large house and yet it feels to constricting. I stand up and I'm almost out of the front door when a shadow falls across it and someone knocks.

I open it and see Mr and Mrs Peters and Acacia standing there, the rest of the family standing by a car used to transport posessions when people move house.

"Good morning, Johanna, how are you?" Mrs Peters asks, reaching forward and pulling me into a hug.

"We wanted to come later but the Peacekeepers came with the truck and said we had to move now." Mr Peters says, looking back at a Peacekeeper at the wheel of the truck.

"It's fine, come in, this place is massive and too empty."

The rest of the day passes in a blur and before I know it I'm sat at the table with a delicious smelling stew in front of me. I look around at the family that now seem to belong to me.

Mrs Peters, kind and maternal. Looking at me as if I am one of her own child. Wanting to help me deal with my new life. Not wanting to seem as if she is trying to replace my own mother who was a close friend of hers.

Mr Peters, quiet but stern. Able to keep the children under control but also willing to cook meals and sew up torn clothes. Always feeling guilty for not reporting my father to the District Doctors when it was clear he was going mad. Never quite able to meet my eye anymore.

Acacia. Scatty and energetic. Always wanting to be the best, the fastest, the smartest, the strongest. Even now I can see the guilt that she let me look after my Grandpa alone.

Maple. Conspicious by her absence. Still months away from giving birth. She will hate me forever, even more so now that her family like with me, she will surely see it as a betrayal.

Jonah. Seven years old and not yet able to appreciate how horrific the Hunger Games are. He looks at me with a reverence that I find uncomfortable.

Ivy. Only a baby, not even a year old. An unexpected strain on an already struggling family. Will she have to fight in the Games one day.

"Let's eat, are you alright Johanna, you look a bit pale?"

"I'm fine, I just want to say thanks, for staying with me."

"It's great here, look at all the space!" Jonah cries, standing up and running circles around the table. Mr Peters catches him with one arm and tickles him before putting him back in his seat.

"It's us that should be thanking you, Johanna, I don't know how long…" Mrs Peters tails off looking at Ivy, I notice how small she is.

"I'll give you money each week to get food and…don't let Acacia sign up for tessearae."

"It's already done, we had to sign up last month, while the Games were on." Acacia says quietly.

"I'll talk to Blight, maybe they can take you off the list." Acacia nods but I can tell she's not hopeful.

The meal passes quickly and then I ask if I can feed Ivy. I've never held a baby before but I like the thought that she doesn't know the world she's been born into yet, she's completely innocent.

We sit in the large living room and Acacia and Jonah do their homework. Mrs Peters makes a list of foods and things to buy. Mr Peter's fixes a hole in Jonah's shoe.

"I'll go to the shop in the morning and buy him some new ones." I say, looking up from Ivy's face.

"No need, they'll last another couple of months." I wonder if the Peters don't want to accept money from me, if they are too proud.

The telephone rings.

"I'll take her." Mrs Peters says, standing up and taking Ivy out of my arms.

I walk over to the phone feeling nervous, I've never answered a phone in my life. I wipe my sweaty hands on my trousers and pick it up.

"Hello?"

"Oh, hello Johanna, how are you dear?" It's Eloise, apparently she can't got a day without speaking to her new Victor.

"Eloise, what do you want?" I can't be bothered with pleasantries.

"I need to know what your talent is."

"Talent?"

"Yes, now that you don't need to work. The Capitol needs to know how you will contribute to Panem." I roll my eyes and crouch to the floor, trying to think of something.

"You could sing, or dance…"

"No, I can do sculptures, with wood." There is a pause on the other end of the phone and I wonder if Eloise is whispering to someone.

"I'll have to run it past the Gamesmakers, it involves a knife, you know?"

"I know."

"Well, I'll get back to you…"

I hang up.

* * *

The next afternoon I find myself in the Forest, standing in front of Grandpa's tree. I brought a small bouquet of flower. He like Bluebells the best so I made sure I picked enough.

I kneel down in front of the tree and place the flowers at the base of it.

"I did it, Grandpa. I won."

I want him to be here, to hug me and tell me what to do next because now the Games are over how do I live with the memories. During the walk over here some of the people smiles at me but more than half scurried away as if I might throw an axe at them.

"I made myself look weak, like you said."

I look left and see my mother and brother's trees, they are taller than me now and Douglas' has some greenery on it for the first time.

"I wish you were here, Grandpa, I wish you were with me."

It's hard to be strong all the time, especially when you have been pretending to be weak for a month.

I start to cry but before it can turn into sobs I see someone out of the corner of my eye. I wipe away the tears and stand up.

It's Thomas.

"What do you want?" I snap, regretting it almost instantly.

"I didn't mean to startle you, I just came to put some flowers by his tree." He points to a tree in the corner of the plot that was clearly planted yesterday. Oak's tree.

"Oh, sorry."

"It's okay."

We stand in an awkward silence and then I start to walk away. I'm nearly out of the plot when I turn back.

"Did the ceremony go okay?" Why am I asking this?"

"The Capitol spared no expense." Thomas replies, an edge to his voice.

"They're like that."

I leave the plot and walk back through the town. I go into the bakery and look at the pies.

"Oh, hello Miss Mason. What can I get for you?" The baker's wife asks with a kind smile.

"A pie, for dessert."

"How about a cherry one, it was Albert's favourite." I nod, remembering how much my Grandpa loved cherry pie's, he would save up and buy one when it was someone's birthday.

"Yes, he liked them a lot. Thank you."

I leave the shop carrying the pie in a box and walk back towards Victor's Village. I'm nearly there when I realise I'm being followed.

I turn back quickly, preparing to defend myself in a way that only a Victor knows how. I pull a knife out of my pocket but when I see that it's Maple I drop it in surprise.

"Sorry, I…" I mutter, picking up the knife and putting it back in my holster.

"I'm surprised it wasn't an axe." She says, nodding towards the knife.

"It's too dangerous to carry a knife in your pocket."

"Whatever, I wanted to see my mother."

"Oh, she's at the house if…"

"I won't set foot in the house. You can send a message to her for me."

"I'm not a postman, tell her yourself."

"It's enough that you kill my boyfriend but then you steal…"

"He wasn't your boyfriend, he was the boy that got you pregnant, nothing more!" I snap.

"He loved me!"

"Didn't you hear him?"

"He didn't know what he was saying, he had a head injury…"

"Are you sure you don't have a head injury, Maple?"

Maple looks outraged but before she can reply footsteps are heard and when I turn around I see Blight running towards us.

"I couldn hear you two form my house, what's going on?"

"Maple wants to see her mother."

"Go on then, you know where she is."

Maple gives Blight a look of deepest loathing and then turns back towards the town and storms off.

"Good day, Sissy?"

"Leave me alone." I reply, not wanted to talk to him. Not wanting to talk to anyone.

"If you think it gets easier you've got a shock coming."

I turn back to him, annoyed.

"Half the town hates me, even though I've got them food each month for a year!"

"They'll get over it by next year."

"Will they?"

"Probably, depends who wins. If we get another Victor you'll be as forgotten as Cyn and I."

"I just want to forget about the Games, about all of it."

"You can't, every year you'll be dragged out and paraded in front of the Capitol. You've got the tour in a few months, that will be tough."

"Standing in front of the families of the kids I killed, I can't imagine why that would be tough!" I yell, so loud that some birds flutter out of the nearby trees.

"It's time to accept that to get through this you need to be as strong as you were weak. Got that, Sissy?"

I look at him for another moment and then, and I have no idea why, I throw the Cherry Pie in his face.

* * *

A/N Hope you enjoyed this chapter, the next one will leap forward in time to the tour. Please review and let me know how you think Johanna is coping.

Reading Dorkk- Thanks.

RazielsMango- Thanks, it's actually harder writing her now the Games are over.

Guest- Thanks.


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